1st XI Match Reports

Team
Nick ‘Tash!...aaaahhhh...he saved every single shot (well almost) O’Donnell
James ‘I love my reflection’ Adams
Gary ‘Should I stay or should I go’ MaCallister
Jack ‘Is this East Dulwich or Peckham’’ Poynter
Paul ‘Nice cross’ Conroy
Martyn ‘Leatherhead is a place’ Bause
Phil ‘Girls underwear’ Wells
Charlie ‘Kiss my pants’ Nye
Kieran ‘Running down the wing’ Marchant
John ‘Toblerone head’ Rosenthal
Ian ‘Matchball’ Lewis

Subs
Gary ‘Dad’ Rye
Ricky ‘Two touch’ Stephenson

Another uncharacteristically warm and sunny November day saw Joes first cup game of this season having got to round 2 without playing a game.

Sedcopians were a couple of divisions lower but top of their league so were likely to be up for it. As most of the team arrived and discussed whether Phil used to be tubby (used to be?) they waited for John to add the rest of the kit to his 10 socks and turn up.

As John banged on the launderette door Phil decided to name the team in the car park which was missing a few regular names but still looked strong and, with everyone’s favourite Dad on the bench, how could we lose?

The pre-game team talk was given by Jack this week and you couldn’t argue with him that we all want a cup final this season! Jack won the toss and Joes kicked off.

It became clear early on that the opposition didn’t have the youngest or quickest back four and their keeper was worse than Nick at holding on to a ball. This boded well for Joes who had most of the play in the first ten minutes but were not playing with much composure or urgency.

A good chance fell to John as a pass saw him through one on one with the keeper, the keeper came out quickly and managed to smother the ball before John was able to chip or guide it pass him. Joes continued to play well but failed in the final phase and were not able to capitalise on some decent build ups. This looked about to change as Phil picked up the ball on the edge of the area, did a few keep-ups while teeing the ball up to volley, takes a big swing and shins it off for a goal kick.

Sedcopians were managing to string some passes together but didn’t really have the pace up front to be a threat. The most threatening time for Joes came from the big defender playing for Sedcopians who had a catapult like throw in, but these were dealt with by Joes defence.

The left side was proving a successful channel for Joes attacking: Martyn takes the ball to the left corner and whips in a great cross, John is free at the back post, he jumps and connects with his head, slightly miss-timing the jump his effort sails over the bar.

The first breakthrough in the game came when Sedcopians managed to earn a free kick not far from the edge of the box. There were four in the wall and the rest of the Joes are organised at the back….the kick is driven hard in to the pool of players (not sure it was deliberate) and as a forward sticks a foot out it finds the back of the net…1-0 down.

As this was against the run of play Joes heads stayed up and continued to press forward, Kieran and Paul were linking up well on the left and Kieran went on another run, finding space he has a shot. It is not fiercest shot but the keeper cannot hold it and Lewi is first to the spill and levels the game 1-1.

The team was still struggling to perform to their usual standards but managed to keep attacking. Kieran is involved again in one move and picking up a forward pass he hits a hard and low shot first time which the keeper can’t stop…2-1!

At 2-1 Sedcopians kept battling and one of their forwards gets a decent shot off, Nick dives to his left and palms the ball away making a good save.

The first half does not see anymore goals and the half time oranges are welcome!

By the second half it is clear that the referee is slightly unsure of himself and that this could have a bearing on the match.

At 2-1, Joes are looking to finish the opposition off early in the second half, unfortunately this does not go so well as Sedcopians break free and fire an effort in to the roof of the net. Nick gets fingers to it but can’t stop it….2-2.

A pattern seems to be emerging and it is Joes who score again with Lewi flicking in a cross from Kieran which may or may not have been going in….3-2. The opposition are screaming at the referee for offside but he is not changing his mind.

This should see Joes knuckle down and build on their advantage, the last thing needed is a bit of complacency, but Joes concede a free kick just outside the box on the left hand side. There are four in the wall again and the ref steps it back about 15 yards. A Sedcopian whips in a curling freekick which goes past the wall and…..’All Day!’ shouts Charlie…there is no one on the back post….the keeper has no chance and it hits the post and goes in ….3-3.

Joes kick off from the centre for a fourth time. True to how the game is unfolding Joes go on the attack and Lewi is on a forward run, he has Martyn on his left, chooses to ignore him and press on. Shooting with his right the keeper dives for it, gets a hand to it but just pushes it to the top corner, Joes have the lead again.

You could guess what is likely to happen now, as Sedcopians go forward there needs to be a game changer, the big man at the back has the ball, John flies in with a challenge and gets a good piece of his shin. The referee blows but the play continues, the move ends in a Sedcopians goal but the referee brings the play back. This causes furore with the opposition, not to mention a moves like Jagger from John….oooooohhhhhoooo. This ends with a free kick and a booking for descent by Sedcopians.

This set back has the desired effect and the next significant passage ends with a Joes penalty for a foul on Charlie. Having called penalities before the game, Charlie is out to impress his Dad and earn some more pocket money, he steps up and using his tried and tested technique makes it 5-3.

This causes yet more moaning and Joes get ready to keep playing. Keeping the momentum going Paul is making some good runs down the right. He is left with a decent bit of space and decides to loop in a shot/cross - as soon as it leaves his boot it looks good! The ball drops over the keeper’s head and drops in 6-3!

With the time running down, Lewi reminds Phil that Ricky is keen and on the bench, he is promptly substituted and Ricky comes on. It is not long before Ricky and Martyn link and Ricky’s best effort is too close to the keeper to beat him but a fine strike.

Martyn also has a good chance to make it 7 but a slightly heavy touch just takes it out of his feet.

The last ten minutes are pretty frantic and sees a Sedcopian miss an open net from 3 yards and a number of balls cross the box but to no avail. There are also some lively incidents involving James running forward and getting taken out as well as Charlie taking an elbow to the head.
Joes struggle to just keep the ball and see out the win but it looked like they have done enough. Phil asks the ref how long and is told a minute or so. With that he brings on Dad for John.

Settling the game thanks to his years of experience Dad helps seal the win!

Joes are through to the next round but will need a much better performance to make sure they stay in.

Perhaps it was the excitement of an Old Joes curry and watching the JLS mating rituals of Martyn in his natural habitat Rehab in Croydon. Another sick nightclub for Dad to go too!

Next week is the grudge match against previous Old Joes Jeremy ‘Gay Rambo’ Bogust and James ‘No longer loving the Doodney’ Varney’s team. Let’s take ‘em down boys!

1st XI Match Reports
Brought to you by striker Ian Lewis
19th November 2011 - LOB Olympian Cup - Round 2 – Old Josephians I v Old Sedcopians VI (A)
Team Nick ‘Tash!...aaaahhhh...he saved every single shot (well almost) O’Donnell James ‘I love my reflection’ Adams Gary ‘Should I stay or should I go’ MaCallister Jack ‘Is this East Dulwich or Peckham’’ Poynter Paul ‘Nice cross’ Conroy Martyn ‘Leatherhead is a place’ Bause Phil ‘Girls underwear’ Wells Charlie ‘Kiss my pants’ Nye Kieran ‘Running down the wing’ Marchant John ‘Toblerone head’ Rosenthal Ian ‘Matchball’ Lewis Subs Gary ‘Dad’ Rye Ricky ‘Two touch’ Stephenson Another uncharacteristically warm and sunny November day saw Joes first cup game of this season having got to round 2 without playing a game. Sedcopians were a couple of divisions lower but top of their league so were likely to be up for it. As most of the team arrived and discussed whether Phil used to be tubby (used to be?) they waited for John to add the rest of the kit to his 10 socks and turn up. As John banged on the launderette door Phil decided to name the team in the car park which was missing a few regular names but still looked strong and, with everyone’s favourite Dad on the bench, how could we lose? The pre-game team talk was given by Jack this week and you couldn’t argue with him that we all want a cup final this season! Jack won the toss and Joes kicked off. It became clear early on that the opposition didn’t have the youngest or quickest back four and their keeper was worse than Nick at holding on to a ball. This boded well for Joes who had most of the play in the first ten minutes but were not playing with much composure or urgency. A good chance fell to John as a pass saw him through one on one with the keeper, the keeper came out quickly and managed to smother the ball before John was able to chip or guide it pass him. Joes continued to play well but failed in the final phase and were not able to capitalise on some decent build ups. This looked about to change as Phil picked up the ball on the edge of the area, did a few keep-ups while teeing the ball up to volley, takes a big swing and shins it off for a goal kick. Sedcopians were managing to string some passes together but didn’t really have the pace up front to be a threat. The most threatening time for Joes came from the big defender playing for Sedcopians who had a catapult like throw in, but these were dealt with by Joes defence. The left side was proving a successful channel for Joes attacking: Martyn takes the ball to the left corner and whips in a great cross, John is free at the back post, he jumps and connects with his head, slightly miss-timing the jump his effort sails over the bar. The first breakthrough in the game came when Sedcopians managed to earn a free kick not far from the edge of the box. There were four in the wall and the rest of the Joes are organised at the back….the kick is driven hard in to the pool of players (not sure it was deliberate) and as a forward sticks a foot out it finds the back of the net…1-0 down. As this was against the run of play Joes heads stayed up and continued to press forward, Kieran and Paul were linking up well on the left and Kieran went on another run, finding space he has a shot. It is not fiercest shot but the keeper cannot hold it and Lewi is first to the spill and levels the game 1-1. The team was still struggling to perform to their usual standards but managed to keep attacking. Kieran is involved again in one move and picking up a forward pass he hits a hard and low shot first time which the keeper can’t stop…2-1! At 2-1 Sedcopians kept battling and one of their forwards gets a decent shot off, Nick dives to his left and palms the ball away making a good save. The first half does not see anymore goals and the half time oranges are welcome! By the second half it is clear that the referee is slightly unsure of himself and that this could have a bearing on the match. At 2-1, Joes are looking to finish the opposition off early in the second half, unfortunately this does not go so well as Sedcopians break free and fire an effort in to the roof of the net. Nick gets fingers to it but can’t stop it….2-2. A pattern seems to be emerging and it is Joes who score again with Lewi flicking in a cross from Kieran which may or may not have been going in….3-2. The opposition are screaming at the referee for offside but he is not changing his mind. This should see Joes knuckle down and build on their advantage, the last thing needed is a bit of complacency, but Joes concede a free kick just outside the box on the left hand side. There are four in the wall again and the ref steps it back about 15 yards. A Sedcopian whips in a curling freekick which goes past the wall and…..’All Day!’ shouts Charlie…there is no one on the back post….the keeper has no chance and it hits the post and goes in ….3-3. Joes kick off from the centre for a fourth time. True to how the game is unfolding Joes go on the attack and Lewi is on a forward run, he has Martyn on his left, chooses to ignore him and press on. Shooting with his right the keeper dives for it, gets a hand to it but just pushes it to the top corner, Joes have the lead again. You could guess what is likely to happen now, as Sedcopians go forward there needs to be a game changer, the big man at the back has the ball, John flies in with a challenge and gets a good piece of his shin. The referee blows but the play continues, the move ends in a Sedcopians goal but the referee brings the play back. This causes furore with the opposition, not to mention a moves like Jagger from John….oooooohhhhhoooo. This ends with a free kick and a booking for descent by Sedcopians. This set back has the desired effect and the next significant passage ends with a Joes penalty for a foul on Charlie. Having called penalities before the game, Charlie is out to impress his Dad and earn some more pocket money, he steps up and using his tried and tested technique makes it 5-3. This causes yet more moaning and Joes get ready to keep playing. Keeping the momentum going Paul is making some good runs down the right. He is left with a decent bit of space and decides to loop in a shot/cross - as soon as it leaves his boot it looks good! The ball drops over the keeper’s head and drops in 6-3! With the time running down, Lewi reminds Phil that Ricky is keen and on the bench, he is promptly substituted and Ricky comes on. It is not long before Ricky and Martyn link and Ricky’s best effort is too close to the keeper to beat him but a fine strike. Martyn also has a good chance to make it 7 but a slightly heavy touch just takes it out of his feet. The last ten minutes are pretty frantic and sees a Sedcopian miss an open net from 3 yards and a number of balls cross the box but to no avail. There are also some lively incidents involving James running forward and getting taken out as well as Charlie taking an elbow to the head. Joes struggle to just keep the ball and see out the win but it looked like they have done enough. Phil asks the ref how long and is told a minute or so. With that he brings on Dad for John. Settling the game thanks to his years of experience Dad helps seal the win! Joes are through to the next round but will need a much better performance to make sure they stay in. Perhaps it was the excitement of an Old Joes curry and watching the JLS mating rituals of Martyn in his natural habitat Rehab in Croydon. Another sick nightclub for Dad to go too! Next week is the grudge match against previous Old Joes Jeremy ‘Gay Rambo’ Bogust and James ‘No longer loving the Doodney’ Varney’s team. Let’s take ‘em down boys!

5th November 2011 - Glyn Old Boys V (A) 3-2
Team: Josh ‘Out of the area?’ Holland James ‘Ah me groin’Adams Simon ‘High Tower’ Tennant Gary ‘I know a game’ MaCallister Jack ‘Beardvember’ Poynter Martin ‘Housewives Favourite’Bause Sam ‘Scholesy’ Holland Charlie ‘Mr Modest’ Nye Jack ‘One shot one goal’ Haywood ‘Would you?’ Ben Haywood Ian ‘Run forest’ Lewis Subs Paul ‘the good right back’ Conroy Kieran ‘Mr Busman’ Merchant Phil ‘Feed the Ponce’ Wells Remember remember the fifth of November - the day Old Joes came from behind twice to take 3 points of Glynn Old Boys! A solid 14 turned up to the Cheam Sports club to be greeted by the site of nice pitches, good facilities and the possibility of Tom Jones playing for the opposition, were in the wrong place? It’s not unusual, but luckily we were not and the team got ready to play. Ponce gave the usual rousing speech, named the team and gave Martin the captain’s armband, presumably as a reward for his services to the elderly. The game kicked off and Joe’s got stuck straight in with the wet surface perfect for the odd sliding tackle, sometimes from several feet away! The first ten minutes saws Joe’s on top and Josh didn’t really have anything to do. Unfortunately Joes were unable to capitalise on some flowing football and decent forward movement. The midfield continued to boss the game and the first good chance fell to Ben who narrowly struck the ball over. By this time it was apparent their Nick O’Donnell/Friedel look a like in goal had a big kick on him provided he really concentrated hard and Joes fought for every first and second ball to send it back. Gradually Glynn got more and more in to the game and managed to secure a couple of corners and free kicks in dangerous positions. Joes did not panic, defended well under the leadership of Simon and co (cue Gary Mac moaning about being referred to as ‘& co’). The first big scare for Joes came when Glynn’s right winger got the ball and looked through to a one on one against Josh…after speeding back like Vin Diesel driving an Asda van James appears and puts in a vital challenge! The corner comes to nothing and Joes are on the attack again. Shortly after, Joes are under pressure again, a clearance is made and Lewi shuts down the ball, puts in a challenge and is away, knocking it forward he goes on a run….under some pressure from Glynn chasing back he is unable to get a shot or a cross in and runs of the pitch. More Forest than Suarez! At about 35 minutes in the ref blows for a free kick, a few players stop for half time - sorry boys you haven’t got fitter, ten minutes to go! Further shots come in from Charlie and Sam in the first half but at the mid-point it remains 0-0. Half Time After a few drinks and further encouragement Joes are straight back out. As time ticks on the tension mounts and as the banter gets a bit livelier it is finally Glynn who get the lucky break. Moving down the right, one of their wingers manages to get a soft cross in which finds its way to an attacker who puts it in….1-0. Glynn go mad. Joes don’t let their heads drop and start off the attack from the kick, moving the ball again nicely Charlie plays a cracking pass that falls directly in to Jack’s path, his shot has venom and the keeper has no chance….1-1 within a couple of minutes of the restart. We definitely have a game on our hands and there are a few switches on the pitch with Martin going up front and Lewi dropping to left mid. Joes look comfortable again but for a second time it is Glynn who get a breakthrough and manage to go 2-1 up. Again they celebrate like they have won the game and this fires Joes up more. Phil makes some further changes with Paul on for James who is nursing an injury and Kieran for Jack at left back. Having not gone home Jack puts last nights shirt on - a good luck with footy socks and shorts. Fighting to get back in it Ben and Lewi link up well earning a freekick but Joes do not capitalise. This is followed by another good chance for Ben forcing a couple of saves from Glynn’s keeper and kicking him in the head for good measure. There is a further scare when a Glynn forward is through, Josh makes a great save and fortunately the player is given offside. The game continues and Phil makes the final change coming on for Lewi. For the last ten, Joes are really playing the ball around well, especially down the right. This cumulates in a long ball to Jack on the left who whips in a great cross……there is a huge shout from & Co as he meets the ball solidly to make it 2-2! There is still enough time to get a winner and you sense Joes can do it. Continuing to attack, Phil has made an impact wining headers and spraying the ball well. Ben picks up the ball and creates some space in the corner, he whips in a low ball across the face of the goal and the Ponce is there to put it in! 3-2!!!!!! Phil goes mad (will he that excited on the 10th December) and almost looked like he might take his top off, a sight we are still recovering from since Berlin! Fortunately there is no need for a yellow card and the ref finally blows his whistle and Joes get a deserved three points! To top of the win, there is free beer and chilli after the game and also a local hockey for your viewing pleasure. The win puts Joes back to second in the league with a game in hand, one hopes the winning will continue and provided the fight is this good every week they certainly will. Next week the boys are away to Woking aiming to go top!

1st XI Match Reports

Brought to you by striker Ian Lewis